im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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