The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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