accomplished twins. life is a go
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
