Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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