Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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