At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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