well I can't set my house on fire every night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
