i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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