If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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