Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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