Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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