The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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