the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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