i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
