Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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