you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
