It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
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Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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