I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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