you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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