I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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