please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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