I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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