If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.