ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time