Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend