On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂