Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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