omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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