maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
