I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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