I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize