I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
