Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
