Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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