We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
