Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
