So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
