It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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