So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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