That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Enjoy the penises
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
