There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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