you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
