Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would ride that face into the sunset
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
