he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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