if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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