I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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