she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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