I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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