wakey wakey hands off snakey
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
