Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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