when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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