and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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