He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
