It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
