Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
