LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
