Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
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