Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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