Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
